whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
