Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
