he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize