this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
