Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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