oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
