You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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