You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I came so hard my ears popped.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
