glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
