i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
