hotel room ftw
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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