Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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