I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Randomize
