Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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