I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
