You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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