I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
