There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize