This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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