Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
