he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
