Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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