You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
