she told me i tasted like america
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
