I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize