i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
