his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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