my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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