I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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