This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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