Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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