I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The best revenge is premature balding
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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