i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Send help, water and tortillas.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
