closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
