My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
