they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
