It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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