Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
