i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
