i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
