i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
