Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
