so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
