I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
