thus making me awesome and them whores
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I fill condoms, not promises.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
