were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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