the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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