this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
