Need sex. Gaining weight.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
