Don't make out with my wife yet
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
