Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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