Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
