We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
