I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize