I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
