Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
