I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
