I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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