mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
