she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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