My friends, they love my intelligence
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
