some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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