He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize