i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
