i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
