FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
