oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
