My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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