Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
