So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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