i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize