i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
