Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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